Since I was a little boy—with flaming red hair—a face full of freckles—I have always been a dreamer… As life’s bullet train has sped through my night… my freckles have faded… blended… my hair has darkened from that fiery red—to something older… But my dreams… They have never faded… They are still alive…
Sleep is not rest for me— It is assignment… It is battlefield… When I close my eyes at night— I am not drifting off… I am clocking in… For a fight…
Since childhood—storms call my name… Not gently… But roaring… spinning… Tearing open my sky… Hurricanes… tornadoes… I have stood in both—right in the heart of them—more than once… They do not push me back… They pull me in… I do not run from storms— I run toward them… I am a storm chaser…
Yet in my dreams—the rules reverse…
In my dreams—the storms chase me…
For fifty years—I have had the same recurring dream… Hundreds of times… Tornado dreams… Always different… yet always the same… Tornadoes spinning on every horizon… Coming for me… Hunting me… Running me down… They never quite catch me— But they drive me forward… They harden my legs… They make me stronger…
Yet…
It would be great just to rest sometimes… Catch a break in my night… Lay down my sword… Take off my armor… No courage… No strength… Just sleep… Just sleep… Just sleep…
`’.°~ ¹⁴³
In me… songs are alive… soundtracking my dreams… night after night…
While writing this… I listened to the album History by Matthew West… from 2o05… one of my favorites from him…
only for a little bit and not nearly as smart as him 😁
But seriously…
I was sitting on a bench— in a town square— just like the movie
As I do in all my dreams… I scanned everything first— taking it in— inspecting the air the place the feeling— before diving in
Sitting beside me on the bench— was a man I recognized
Gary
My neighbor from when I was about fourteen— he lived directly next door he used to play football with me and my friends he took me fishing often— he loved to fish— and he didn’t like going alone
He didn’t really have friends either
He and his wife Nancy— were from upstate New York they’d moved to the Atlanta area for work— and I assume— to eat grits 🙃
Gary was older than me— about twenty five I was fourteen… and still missing the toilet when I pissed
I looked up to him— like a big brother
The last time I saw him— was a few months after my friend’s funeral not long after that— he and Nancy moved away— I think back to New York— if I remember right
There we were— side by side— on that bench
I spoke to him…
He turned toward me— but he didn’t know who I was
So I told him— reminded him of our past— the fishing the football the neighborhood
Then he remembered…
His eyes lit up…
And then I told him— that God loved him
His face changed…
He became sad— started crying
He told me— his family was very worried about him— very concerned
And that was it…
I woke up…
End of dream…
I went downstairs— made coffee— then breakfast— in that order
I’ve thought about him all morning… I prayed for him…
For some reason— I have the feeling that today— this very moment— he’s in a storm
I was waist deep in an icy body of water — dark… still… and filled with large chunks of white and blue ice I could feel the cold cutting into me I was freezing Shivering Every movement felt slow and heavy
At the edge of the water stood a large square black house No windows Just one open door — glowing with light It felt like the only way out of this place
So I waded through the water in the night searching for something… I didn’t know what
Then I heard crying
Someone calling out in distress
I saw a disturbance in the water ahead of me… It was a girl… She looked like she was drowning… I moved toward her without thinking — instinct kicked in…
When I reached her.. I noticed something strange
She was blue
Her skin… her whole body… an unnatural blue
I tried to help her toward the shore toward the light — but suddenly she changed She latched onto me Hard… she began trying to pull me out into deeper water…
She was trying to drown me
Her eyes were excited — almost joyful — as I struggled to stay afloat She was enjoying it Taking pleasure in my suffering The fight for survival became violent and desperate She wouldn’t relent
Neither would I
I fought and fought and fought
I was determined… not to let her win…
I pushed through the icy water toward the lit door of the black house as she tried again and again to drag me under Through the open doorway.. I could see people inside — just living their lives Normal Unaware Going about their day
I tried to yell to them
But I couldn’t scream loud enough
I kept trying… but my words had no weight No volume Nothing carried
I was so close to the door now — so close — and that blue bitch almost had me She was seconds from pulling me under the surface of the water
I knew I had one chance left
I reached deep inside myself I had to make it count
And I yelled one last time —
“YALL HELP ME”
I woke myself up… shouting those words out loud
Physically yelling
And suddenly… it was over
I was awake
Safe
What a relief
It was just a dream
—
very profound… very real… I laid awake in bed… thinking `’.-°
…….≈≈≈↓~❄→|█|→□▣→†→~↓≈≈≈→<o>→|█|→( )→!→/\/\/\→↑→”YALL HELP ME”→’→~__→…..t `’.-° -;- ~`’,
…
While writing… listened to the album… Vs. by Pearl Jam… from 1993
Somewhere Out There… 2o02.. from the album Gravity…
Clumsy… 1997… from the album Clumsy…
Just some cool info… they took their name from the novel The End of Alice by A.M. Homes… It’s meant to feel poetic and symbolic rather than religious — a phrase that sounds gentle but carries weight..
Also.. they have many platinum albums.. and Frontman Raine Maida is known for.. writing lyrics inspired by psychology.. philosophy.. and literature.. Leaving meanings intentionally open — many songs feel emotional first.. literal second That’s why tracks like Clumsy still hit even if you can’t fully explain them… hope you enjoy…
In this season of my life… I was far away from the God I walked with as a boy and teenager… but He wasn’t far from me… He was still right where I had left Him…
I was asleep one night… I had a dream… in the middle of addiction… in the middle of my sin… this was it…
—
I found myself on a path… alone…
I looked around… in awe… the road was marble… gold… silver… lined with precious jewels… vibrant… alive with color…
I thought… where am I where is everyone
All at once… I felt breath upon my neck…
slowly… I turned around… before me… was the most brilliant… awesome… magnificent thing… I have ever laid eyes on…
It was a Lion…
close as could be…
I was face to face with Him…
His eyes were so green… so piercing… He saw right through me…
Suddenly… I became afraid… what was He about to do what was about to happen
Beneath the fear… reverence…
I knew… He was King of all…
Then… He began to move…
He lowered His head… nudged me… to start walking…
As I moved along the path… He followed behind me…
Up ahead…
a small white horse…
The Lion went out… met the horse… devoured it… swallowed it whole…
Then He returned behind me once again… pushing me… down the path…
At the end… a wide marble staircase…
He came around from behind me… moved up the stairs… sat on the throne…
At His side… two other Lions…
I fell on my face…
I worshipped Him…
I knew…
He was God…
—
I immediately woke up…
I jumped out of bed… started writing down the dream… because I didn’t want to forget it…
But it didn’t matter…
I never have forgotten…
It is as clear to me today… as when it first happened…
I’m able still… to close my eyes… relive it… just as vivid… anytime I want…
For years… I felt the dream was God telling me… that He was with me… calling me… to straighten up… follow Him…
Then… June of 2o09…
After the second attempt on my life… God rescued me… miraculously… just in time… brought me safely out of it… to Florida… to a men’s discipleship and drug rehab ministry…
I had been there for several months… it was now fall…
One afternoon… outside… raking leaves… singing… praising… alone…
Suddenly… I was reminded of my dream…
I looked out across the property…
In the front of the building… a small pond… and in the center… a fountain… of a Lion…
Then I noticed something else…
The driveway… L shaped… like the path in my dream…
At the end of the driveway… where the throne would be… two Lion statues… one on each side…
I was blown away…
Everything made sense now…
I was without words…
And I still am today… when I think about it all…
—
I later became the resident director of that ministry… spent four years there…
I watched God work strong and mighty… in the lives of hundreds of broken men… that came through our doors… transforming them… they were never the same…
And in my life… there is absolutely… no doubt… what has happened… taken place…
who is responsible… who gets the credit… the glory… the honor… the praise… 🙌
—
and…`.°~ ¡-~-¡`° the small white horse… my enemies… my past…
Psalm 143: 9-12…
Deliver me… O LORD… from mine enemies… I flee unto thee for refuge… to hide me… Teach me to do thy will… for thou art my God… thy spirit is good… lead me into the land of uprightness… onto level ground… because of mine enemies… Quicken me… O LORD… for Jesus Christ name’s sake… for thy righteousness’ sake… bring my soul out of trouble… And of thy loving kindness… and mercy… cut off mine enemies… and destroy all them that afflict my soul.. for I am thy servant… thy friend… thy child…
Heart of Loia `'.,°~ 