Saltwater and Second Chances

The Day Me and My Friend Almost Drowned…

It was the summer of 1996…
I had it all figured out—
  until I didn’t…
I thought I could—
  until I couldn’t…

Life shows up at times…
 and will straight wreck your ship—
it’s a beast…
 a leviathan…

You can’t just ebb with the tide…
 if you don’t lead it—
  it will lure you…

Drowning is not an option…
Swim like your life depends on it—
  because it does…

Me…
my friend Terrell…
and his girlfriend Helen
decided to go to Panama City.. Florida
for the weekend…

It was about a six hour drive from Atlanta…
I was really spontaneous back then—
 so were my friends…

We would do crazy stuff on a whim…
 without thinking much about it…
it was Helen’s idea—
 T and me just looked at each other
  and smiled…

Within half an hour…
we were in the car and on the road—
 the highway was our runway…
 we didn’t have a flight plan…

After watching my life race by
like highway lines…
for what felt like eternity—
we finally made it…

That’s a notorious drive…
 it always feels double the time it takes…

So we found our rooms…
 chilled for a short time…
bought beer—
 and headed to the beach…

I didn’t know this but
T brought a funnel…
and he knew I had never done it before—
 so I tried it…
  about choked myself…

No bro…
it’s cool…
thanks anyway…

I like to actually taste
and enjoy a beer—
not shoot it like a rocket…
Down my throat…
to my brain
and insides…

So after a day of brutal heat
and alcohol…
I could hear the Gulf
calling my name—

Deep calls to deep…
 like a favorite song…

The two of us traded
the safety of the sand…
 for liquid turquoise…
oh.. how good it felt
on my body…

Such a beautiful and strange thing—
 is water…
It gives life…
 it can take it too…

We both were excellent swimmers…
 loved it so…
spent a lot of time in the water together—
 we ventured out pretty far…

I started to get a little tired…
Told T we should head back to shore—
 he agreed…
I could tell he was tiring too…

We hit a sandbar…
finally able to stand…
feel the bottom again…

I could feel the alcohol
hitting me more…
 creeping up on me…
  my head was spinning…

As I was bobbing…
 fighting waves…
an undercurrent picked up slightly—
 pulled us off the sandbar…

We could no longer stand…
It was back to treading…

T wasn’t looking good—
 he had way too much to drink…
This was a bad idea…
 things were about to get real…

Suddenly—
we were like two kites
with broken strings…

He started to struggle hard…
 fell below the surface…
  then up again…
   then down once more…

Oh no…
 oh no…

He cried out for me—
 help me…
  then he went under…

I went down after him…
with what strength I had left—
 got him back up…

But he was in survival mode…
 total panic…

He clung to me—
 I couldn’t move
  my arms
  or legs…

Next thing I know…
I was under water…
 he was on top of me…

Stepping all over me—
 his feet pushing me further down
as he fought for his life…
 to stay afloat…

I sank below…

Under water…
 out of strength…
  out of breath…
   far from home…

Fear spun over me
like a dreaded whirlwind—

I thought about the ones I loved…
 my life…
  how I should have done better…

I tried to fight some more—
 but I just had nothing left…
  zero breath…

I noticed the sun above…
 its beams shooting through the water
  all around me…

The fear left…
I was ok now…

I said a prayer…
 then from beneath the ocean…
  I said my goodbyes…

I gave up and breathed in saltwater…

Then—
unexpectedly…

I felt sand under my feet…
With new-found strength—
 I pushed off and up…

My head shot above water…
I found myself again
on the elusive sandbar…

I instantly started coughing…
 spitting out water from my lungs…

I breathed in—
 it was air this time…

I slowly walked
the narrow sandbar
back to shallower water…

I made it back to the beach…

My waterlogged body—
 collapsing…
  surrendering to sleep…

Later that evening…
close to sunset…

I woke…
 I remembered…
  I was so thankful…
   grateful…
    happy to be alive…

But oh my Lord—
 where was T…
  was he ok…

Then—
down the beach…

I saw him
and Helen…

The same thing had happened to him…
He somehow made it to shore…
 passed out…
  and slept…

He had just woken up
the same time I did…

This was all just so unreal…
How blessed
and fortunate
we were to have made it out…

I learned major lessons that day…
 I’m always learning stuff…

My friend T survived the ocean that day…
Only to be shot and killed years later—

Murdered…
 gunned down…
  in cold blood…

Like he was nothing…

over nothing…

He made it out of the water…
 but not the world…

And I’m still out here…

trying to make sense
  of the waves

that never stop coming…

Psalm 42:7 (NIV)


“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls…
all your waves and breakers have swept over me…”

© 2026 Bryan H. All rights reserved.

`’.,°~

life is like an effin’ box of chocolates… 📦 🍫

last night while sleeping…

Last night…
in my dream…
I was Forrest Gump—

only for a little bit
and not nearly as smart as him 😁

But seriously…

I was sitting on a bench—
in a town square—
just like the movie

As I do in all my dreams…
I scanned everything first—
taking it in—
inspecting the air
the place
the feeling—
before diving in

Sitting beside me on the bench—
was a man I recognized

Gary

My neighbor from when I was about fourteen—
he lived directly next door
he used to play football with me and my friends
he took me fishing often—
he loved to fish—
and he didn’t like going alone

He didn’t really have friends either

He and his wife Nancy—
were from upstate New York
they’d moved to the Atlanta area for work—
and I assume—
to eat grits 🙃

Gary was older than me—
about twenty five
I was fourteen…
and still missing the toilet when I pissed

I looked up to him—
like a big brother

The last time I saw him—
was a few months after my friend’s funeral
not long after that—
he and Nancy moved away—
I think back to New York—
if I remember right

There we were—
side by side—
on that bench

I spoke to him…

He turned toward me—
but he didn’t know who I was

So I told him—
reminded him of our past—
the fishing
the football
the neighborhood

Then he remembered…

His eyes lit up…

And then I told him—
that God loved him

His face changed…

He became sad—
started crying

He told me—
his family was very worried about him—
very concerned

And that was it…

I woke up…

End of dream…

I went downstairs—
made coffee—
then breakfast—
in that order

I’ve thought about him all morning…
I prayed for him…

For some reason—
I have the feeling that today—
this very moment—
he’s in a storm

Unless…

maybe it isn’t about him at all…

Maybe it’s about me…

© Bryan H. 2025 — All Rights Reserved


…….<3~~~<3→†→||→†→<3~~~→†”’ `’.~°.♡♤◇♧\|( -;-_

Memories… like fingerprints… are slowly raising…

The Ink And The Needle…

In memory of Joey…

So I once wrote a piece called “fourteen”
Some of you read it
About the death of my friend
When I was young
And how it changed everything for me early on

I’ve been thinking of him today
And.. I was reminded of this story

It was 1988
Me
Joey
And Chris

We had our entire lives in front of us
But who really cared about that crap right now
We were too busy being country boys

Hunting
Fishing
Shooting guns
Listening to music
Playing football and baseball
Laughing and pranking each other
Sneaking in and out of the neighborhood girls’ bedroom windows late at night
While the oblivious moms and dads slept quiet.. and cold… back to back…

Raiding the liquor cabinet of my friend April’s dad
Filling the bottles back up with tea or water
Or whatever the hell we could find

Life was sweet
Alive…………………………………………………..`.°~
Intoxicating

Feels so long ago
And now it’s just these words

One day.. the three of us decided to buy some Indian ink from the local drug store
And give each other tattoos

We were great at many things
However
Drawing with a dipped sewing needle was not one of them.. haha

We secured the ink and the needle
Yes…
One needle…
For all three of us…

We didn’t care about disease back then
We were blood brothers anyway

So we ventured way back into the woods along a creek we frequented
There was a huge fallen oak tree across the water
Forming a natural bridge

This was our favorite hangout spot
We also fished the creek often
Mostly after school and on the weekends

Those woods…
We knew them well
The three of us spent a lot of our lives there

So we sat together on that tree bridge

Joey was first up for the ink
He was the brave one
The cool one
The leader

After all
It was his idea

He picked me to be the one to permanently eff his skin up for life…

I was nervous
I didn’t really want to do it

Stop being a pussy Bryan
Ok…
I got this
Give me the ink and the needle and stfu
Watch and learn fellas

So I proceeded

I put the needle to his back

And gave him his initials… J. T.

He also wanted a cross
And so I did…

And I have to say
It looked pretty badass
For what I had to work with
Not bad at all

What a relief…

But when my turn came
I don’t know what the hell came over me

I became afraid
Not only of the pain
But of the forever of it

If this is going to be on me for life
Then I want it to look good
Not some black chicken-scratch bullshit.. I have to stare at forever

The fear got me
And I didn’t go through with it

So we wrapped up the ink and the needle
Placed it in a little wooden box
And hid it inside a hollowed-out dead tree

Then we went home

And I caught hell from them the whole way back…
For chickening out…

And I did feel bad
Like I broke our bro code
Like I let my crew down

That was one of the last times I ever saw Joey alive…

The next time
Was when I stood over his casket at the funeral

A few months went by…

One night I was in my room playing my guitar late…
And I caught his spirit…
I felt his presence…

I don’t really have words for it
But I was so moved by it…

That I grabbed a flashlight
Climbed quietly out my bedroom window
So I wouldn’t wake anyone

Went into the woods
Retrieved the wooden box with the ink and the needle
Made it back to my room

Sat on my bed

And gave myself a small cross tattoo on my arm…

In memory of my friend…

Late that night… the ink finally meant something…

…….↑≠◇→~✿✿~→✖→✖→✖’

© Bryan H. 2025 — All Rights Reserved

`’.,°~