survival – Heart of Loia `'.,°~

January 25, 2026February 2, 2026

I Am Back 🙌

So I’ve been sick for two years…
it’s been horrible…
I’ve been gradually getting better over these last months…

A few weeks ago…
I made huge progress…
felt like I got healed…

And today…
I feel it in every way…

I’m gaining weight again…
I’ve been working out daily for almost two weeks now…
and in a short time… I’m putting on muscle…
I’m looking better than ever…
I’m feeling strong…
I feel like myself again…

And I can’t praise God enough…
Oh thank You… Holy Father…

I’ve had people all over the world praying for me…
pulling for me… and my girlfriend’s faithful prayers…
Oh how grateful I am…
thankful…
humbled by the entire experience…
Oh how happy I am…
that it’s over…

because there were moments I truly wasn’t sure I’d ever get back here…

Honestly.. my faith wavered over these past few years… I was so sick…
I lost nearly 60 pounds…
I was told it was cancer…
then told it wasn’t…
and to this day… I still don’t know what it was…

I just know it was hard…
a daily struggle to not give up…

But now…

Because of my God —
I am back…

Not just back…
but renewed…
Stronger…
Better…
Alive in a way I hadn’t felt in years…

And today…
I stand here in gratitude —
the fear is gone…

All glory to God —
the healer…
the restorer…
the One who carried me when I couldn’t carry myself…

Amen and Amen.

Forever and ever…

“Though He slay me.. yet will I trust in Him…” — Job 13:15 (NKJV)

“The Lord restored the health of Job…”
— Job 42:10

© 2026 bryanforchrist. All rights reserved.

`’.,°~

December 19, 2025December 28, 2025

Blood In The Sky 🔴`’.°~

a night in my life…

In June of 2o09…
I walked away from the drug life
away from the people
The Culture
The chaos
The darkness

But darkness does not always let go easily

These were the people I once called friends
One of them was like a brother to me
Yet they secretly planned to take my life

They were tied to something dangerous — an organization that did not forgive

I knew too much

They tricked me into going on a road trip to another state

Their plan was to hand me over…

to people who were supposed to kill me

make me disappear forever…

As truth slowly began to reveal itself
fear poured through me…

I thought to myself

This is it…
it’s over…
I’m done…
I’m about to die…

So I began to pray silently…
Believing I was about to meet my maker…

Then something happened — something Holy

A presence stood beside me…

Fear lifted off me…

A deep peace fell over me…

I knew…

I wasn’t alone…

And the men with me felt it too — they knew something greater than them had stepped in…

What I did not know was that they had secretly drugged me

I began to feel sick

The world began to fade away… everything went black…

The next thing I remember — waking up in a hospital

I stayed there for two weeks

My body… recovering
My heart… waking up…

When I walked out
I was not the same…

Jesus met me — I’ve followed Him ever since…

I couldn’t go home
But that was ok…

I didn’t want to be there anyway…

Later.. I learned what really happened that night…

God spoke to the heart of one of the men…

The same man who helped plan my death… was the one who called for help…

He helped save my life…

He chose mercy… over murder…

I will never forget that moon…

Huge… low…

heavy in the night…

close enough to touch…

Deep red and orange — like blood in the sky…

After that night…

God led me into discipleship and ministry…

He gave me a vision…
a heart for people…

a promise…

that my life…

would rest safely in His hands always…

what was supposed to be an ending…
turned into a beginning…

a chance to turn it all around…

Reach For The Sky… ‘Cause Tomorrow… May Never Come…

So I sit at the edge of my bed…
I strum my guitar… and I sing an outlaw love song…

With a guitar in my hand… I stand a little taller…

December 17, 2025December 28, 2025

The Blue Bitch 🧊

my dream from last night…

I found myself in a strange place…

I was waist deep in an icy body of water — dark… still… and filled with large chunks of white and blue ice
I could feel the cold cutting into me
I was freezing
Shivering
Every movement felt slow and heavy

At the edge of the water stood a large square black house
No windows
Just one open door — glowing with light
It felt like the only way out of this place

So I waded through the water in the night searching for something…
I didn’t know what

Then I heard crying

Someone calling out in distress

I saw a disturbance in the water ahead of me…
It was a girl…
She looked like she was drowning…
I moved toward her without thinking — instinct kicked in…

When I reached her.. I noticed something strange

She was blue

Her skin… her whole body… an unnatural blue

I tried to help her toward the shore toward the light — but suddenly she changed
She latched onto me
Hard…
she began trying to pull me out into deeper water…

She was trying to drown me

Her eyes were excited — almost joyful — as I struggled to stay afloat
She was enjoying it
Taking pleasure in my suffering
The fight for survival became violent and desperate
She wouldn’t relent

Neither would I

I fought and fought and fought

I was determined… not to let her win…

I pushed through the icy water toward the lit door of the black house as she tried again and again to drag me under
Through the open doorway.. I could see people inside — just living their lives
Normal
Unaware
Going about their day

I tried to yell to them

But I couldn’t scream loud enough

I kept trying… but my words had no weight
No volume
Nothing carried

I was so close to the door now — so close — and that blue bitch almost had me
She was seconds from pulling me under the surface of the water

I knew I had one chance left

I reached deep inside myself
I had to make it count

And I yelled one last time —

“YALL HELP ME”

I woke myself up… shouting those words out loud

Physically yelling

And suddenly… it was over

I was awake

Safe

What a relief

It was just a dream

—

very profound…
very real…
I laid awake in bed…
thinking `’.-°

…….≈≈≈↓~❄→|█|→□▣→†→~↓≈≈≈→<o>→|█|→( )→!→/\/\/\→↑→”YALL HELP ME”→’→~__→…..t `’.-° -;- ~`’,

While writing… listened to the album… Vs. by Pearl Jam… from 1993

December 13, 2025February 4, 2026

kings of the rain `.°~\|(

I used to live in a tiny.. 95 year old.. two bedroom.. beach cottage.. on the west coast of Florida.. Anna Maria Island.. at high tide.. the Gulf of Mexico was maybe 50 feet or so from my back porch… a fabulous place… such a life… and in fact.. it was too close to the water… closer than other homes on the island… that small.. weak appearing structure.. had survived storm after storm after storm… throughout its life… it knew how to bend and flex with the wind… with life… just like the native palm trees that surrounded it…

me… the cottage… the palms… all together… all waiting… all ready… all prepared… for what was about to come…

On the horizon… something fierce… you didn’t need eyes to see it… you could feel it… it knew you… the breath of it.. once distant… now closer than ever…

It was a storm… and in it… a warning… leave the island… I’ve always been fascinated with bad weather… when people seek shelter… I go to my spot by a window… so I can see fully… eyes fixed… fear far off… I open the door… I feel like Im flyin`…

A few years earlier… I survived something… something that had me surrounded… everything outside… deepest black… but inside… where things matter… and count… a faint flicker burst… and riding the wind… beautiful in the night… were the Armies of Heaven… they came for me…

When I realized it was all over… that I was safe… I was met by a promise from high up… that I was to be kept… safe and sound… for all of my days…

I knew then… I was untouchable… that my storms… will fear and obey me… in them will I fly… in them will I reign… my finger in the eye of it… my foot… on its neck… the storm learned fear… not i…

The island was deserted… I found this out.. as I drove around it.. it was full of ghosts… people saw serious in the warning… and they were gone… I sat on my back porch… I was getting to see things that everyone else was missing… the sea was alive and wild… the turbulence… the waves… unreal… so came the wind… the rain… driven hard… angled… I decided to go inside and make some coffee… with an added shot of Jameson Irish Whiskey…☘️ haha…

I made the most of what was going on outside… and outside me… I played my guitar… I sang my songs… I lit smell good candles… I sipped smooth… strong drink… and I waited… never once afraid…

As time passed… the water rose… pushed by the wind… it surrounded me… I kept a close eye… prepared… just in case I needed to swim… find the shore… wherever it was… Im a good swimmer 😉… I looked out every window… all I could see was the sea… my home felt like a ship… never once worried for my life… the house stood in the wind… like it had done so many times before… this was the worst of it… the water just a few feet from the foundation… on all sides… never breaching… there was a force at work… that would only allow things to get so bad…

Knowing this…

I decided to take a nap…

and dream…

about things that really scare me…

like love…

…¹4³….→I→BELONG→n→SERVICE→OF→†→the..KING→…..not.→≠→IN→BETWEEN→……→↑→~|~→RAIN→~|~→↑’king… `.°~\|( -¡-~-¡°

Inspired by a story from aparnachillycupcakes… whose words sparked this reflection…

Also… while I was writing this piece.. I listened to the album “August and everything after” by Counting Crows…

© Bryan H. 2025 — All Rights Reserved

`’.,°~

November 26, 2025December 28, 2025

18 Days Awake…

The Edge…

If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

When I saw this prompt question…
it brought back many memories of my past…
my drug days…

I went without much in those years…
including sleep…

I was reminded of the time I stayed awake for 18 days…
so I started thinking on it…
and googling…
and reading…

Apparently.. the Guinness World Record for staying awake is 11 days and 25 minutes…
so yeah…
I shattered that record…
but I’m guessing that guy didn’t have any help from stimulants lol…

Through more reading…
I learned that being awake 18 days is hanging right on the edge of death…

Guess I’m really blessed and fortunate…
because there were numerous times I would be awake around 10 days or more even.. I actually beat the world record many times… nothing to be proud of…

I am so grateful and thankful to God…
that I made it through those times…
and I am not the same today…

Death waited at the door…
but it did not win…
I walked back out of those days…
changed…
and still breathing…