In this season of my life… I was far away from the God I walked with as a boy and teenager… but He wasn’t far from me… He was still right where I had left Him…
I was asleep one night… I had a dream… in the middle of addiction… in the middle of my sin… this was it…
—
I found myself on a path… alone…
I looked around… in awe… the road was marble… gold… silver… lined with precious jewels… vibrant… alive with color…
I thought… where am I where is everyone
All at once… I felt breath upon my neck…
slowly… I turned around… before me… was the most brilliant… awesome… magnificent thing… I have ever laid eyes on…
It was a Lion…
close as could be…
I was face to face with Him…
His eyes were so green… so piercing… He saw right through me…
Suddenly… I became afraid… what was He about to do what was about to happen
Beneath the fear… reverence…
I knew… He was King of all…
Then… He began to move…
He lowered His head… nudged me… to start walking…
As I moved along the path… He followed behind me…
Up ahead…
a small white horse…
The Lion went out… met the horse… devoured it… swallowed it whole…
Then He returned behind me once again… pushing me… down the path…
At the end… a wide marble staircase…
He came around from behind me… moved up the stairs… sat on the throne…
At His side… two other Lions…
I fell on my face…
I worshipped Him…
I knew…
He was God…
—
I immediately woke up…
I jumped out of bed… started writing down the dream… because I didn’t want to forget it…
But it didn’t matter…
I never have forgotten…
It is as clear to me today… as when it first happened…
I’m able still… to close my eyes… relive it… just as vivid… anytime I want…
For years… I felt the dream was God telling me… that He was with me… calling me… to straighten up… follow Him…
Then… June of 2o09…
After the second attempt on my life… God rescued me… miraculously… just in time… brought me safely out of it… to Florida… to a men’s discipleship and drug rehab ministry…
I had been there for several months… it was now fall…
One afternoon… outside… raking leaves… singing… praising… alone…
Suddenly… I was reminded of my dream…
I looked out across the property…
In the front of the building… a small pond… and in the center… a fountain… of a Lion…
Then I noticed something else…
The driveway… L shaped… like the path in my dream…
At the end of the driveway… where the throne would be… two Lion statues… one on each side…
I was blown away…
Everything made sense now…
I was without words…
And I still am today… when I think about it all…
—
I later became the resident director of that ministry… spent four years there…
I watched God work strong and mighty… in the lives of hundreds of broken men… that came through our doors… transforming them… they were never the same…
And in my life… there is absolutely… no doubt… what has happened… taken place…
who is responsible… who gets the credit… the glory… the honor… the praise… 🙌
—
and…`.°~ ¡-~-¡`° the small white horse… my enemies… my past…
Psalm 143: 9-12…
Deliver me… O LORD… from mine enemies… I flee unto thee for refuge… to hide me… Teach me to do thy will… for thou art my God… thy spirit is good… lead me into the land of uprightness… onto level ground… because of mine enemies… Quicken me… O LORD… for Jesus Christ name’s sake… for thy righteousness’ sake… bring my soul out of trouble… And of thy loving kindness… and mercy… cut off mine enemies… and destroy all them that afflict my soul.. for I am thy servant… thy friend… thy child…
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
Yes and yes…
I’m a musician I play guitar and piano I sing
I’ve played parties I’ve performed in bars and nightclubs and concerts and music festivals I’ve been in bands — both secular and Christian
I was also part of a worldwide group of musicians called The Pond We played music festivals and online concerts together.. which were broadcast across the globe…
Later on.. I became a worship leader in ministry and church I also spent many Sundays playing music for residents in nursing homes and mental health hospitals
I’ve lived a pretty crazy life And.. for four years.. I traveled all across the state of Florida as a guest speaker — speaking in churches and at different events — telling my life story… `.°-
Stages and lights and microphones and crowds.. Rooms full of people.. Rooms with only a few..
Today though… the stage is just a memory.. just words…
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
When I saw this prompt question… it brought back many memories of my past… my drug days…
I went without much in those years… including sleep…
I was reminded of the time I stayed awake for 18 days… so I started thinking on it… and googling… and reading…
Apparently.. the Guinness World Record for staying awake is 11 days and 25 minutes… so yeah… I shattered that record… but I’m guessing that guy didn’t have any help from stimulants lol…
Through more reading… I learned that being awake 18 days is hanging right on the edge of death…
Guess I’m really blessed and fortunate… because there were numerous times I would be awake around 10 days or more even.. I actually beat the world record many times… nothing to be proud of…
I am so grateful and thankful to God… that I made it through those times… and I am not the same today…
Death waited at the door… but it did not win… I walked back out of those days… changed… and still breathing…
Honestly I don’t really have “pet peeves” anymore.. Ever since I started walking closer with God.. most of the little annoyances I used to care about just… lost their power..
If anything bothers me now it’s only the things that try and steal my joy.. that pull me away from peace.. faith.. or clouds the love I’m trying to live by..
And besides.. I have an ocean to overcome right now.. so I don’t have time to be peeving..
All Around the World — Justin Bieber (Acoustic)👇💯☝️⚘️🏳💥🎶❤️🔥😎`-¡-`~~~ ¡`°
When I was fourteen.. my best friend was killed in a dirt-bike accident.. I can’t begin to tell you what it did to me… “Crushing” is the only word I have right now.. and even that feels too small.. We were closer than brothers..
After the funeral.. I fell into my bedroom. That room became my world — my home inside my home.. Everyone was worried about me.. I shut down.. Closed myself off to everyone.. No access allowed..
It felt like I was on a camping trip in the wilderness alone.. And I stayed there for a whole year..
I needed something… but I didn’t know what..
I started borrowing CDs and cassette tapes from my uncle.. I found an old tape in a box in the attic — Bob Dylan’s — Another Side of Bob Dylan.. And I sank into it… rock… country… folk… old… new… Hank Williams Jr… And the only Christian song I even knew back then.. Amazing Grace..
I didn’t just listen — I drank it.. And the more I drank.. the thirstier I got.. So I went swimming in it.. Something I still do..
Meanwhile.. God was walking the edges of me…
One night I awoke from a dream.. and there in the corner of my bedroom was a silhouette.. shaped like a guitar..
my mother was so worried about me she didn’t know what else to do.. So she bought me an acoustic guitar.. And one night.. while I was sleeping… she placed it in the corner of my room.. right where I would see it.. the moment I opened my eyes..
I played it… and I played it… and I played it… (until my fingers bled) until it started playing me..
I learned it — taught myself — until it learned me back..
Song after song.. Day after day.. night after night… Month after month.. From the fall of 1988 into the winter of 1989.. I played it….. until it became my heartbeat..
And finally… after a year in the wilderness… I emerged from my room.. ready to face my giants of the 90’s…
Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) 💥 “”The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.. and saves those who are crushed in spirit.””
Lyrics from the song “Better Way” by Sister Hazel 👇
“” Now.. here I sit.. in a cage all my own It’s a new life.. it’s a brand new home.. and it’s made out of steel.. it’s built out of fear.. It’s closed up to you.. and it’s part of the deal…””
Lyrics from “Always Loving You” Hank Williams Jr 👇
“”And I still hear that old whippoorwill I’ve seen the ghost of a midnight train And I still love to go alone 🎶🎶🎶 Down by the old Union station in the rain””
( the artists and songs below are just some of my early influences..(not all tho) it’s much wider today.. I added so much to it.. like punk.. alternative.. rap… gospel and hymns… Christian rock.. etc.. you name it.. i am it… haha… so much variety…)
Of the thousands of songs that are a part of me.. this one hits deeper than them all.. 👇
👇💯🦋🎶😎⚘️
First song i ever learned on guitar 👇
When I first realized music could be poetry 👇
When I first realized music could be stories like reading a book 👇
And this one just played a lot that year.. it’s also one of my favorites to play on piano👇 used to be anyways…
And this one… needs no explanation. 👇
And this one.. you must watch til the end 👇🤟😁😎`
Oh and this one… 👇
Oh and this one… 👇
👇 👑
👇🤟 this one is special.. it’s the title of this post… Long Cold Winter..
👇🤟
🤟👇
This one is special to me 💯👇
💯💯💯💯👇
Listened to this one alot back then 👇
🔥👇🎶💯
🌧 🌦 🌂 ⛈️ 💯💥
💯💯💯💯💯
💯⚘️
⚘️💯💥🏳
🥳💯😁💥
🚉💥🍊🔥
💯💯💯💯💯
💥🥳👇💯
💥💯👇🏃♀️
🥳💥💯👇💣
💯🎶💥🏳⚘️🤟👇💣🔥🪜💙
🐎 👇💯
⚘️💥💯🎶
👇 ⛰️ ✨️
💯💯💯💥👇🔥
💯💯💯👇💥🔥💣 🏹 ➡️
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💥👇🤟
🎶💯🎶💯🎶💯🎶💯
⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️👇
👧 👇💯🥳🏃♀️
🎶👇⚘️💯❣️💥🪜
🎶💥🎶💥💯⚘️
💯❣️💯❣️💯❣️💯❣️💯
I’m against cats 🐈 in the house!👇😁
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇💯❣️💥
Wow I forgot this one👇❣️
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👇
👇💥☝️
👇………..
Oh the memories tonight 👇💥💯
Oh wow 👇❣️
🦋💯💥🎶
💯💥🖤🥳👇🌩
👇❤️🖤💥💯💢
👇☝️
……👇🎶💯
💯💥🎶👇🤟
🏳🪜💯💥🎶
Oh Lord oh Lord 👇☝️❣️💥💯🎶🪜
❤️🩷💙💥💯💢
🎶💥💯❣️👇☝️
🚆 🚉 🎶👇
On point 👉 👇☝️💯
🖤💯☝️👉👇🤟💥
🥳🥳🥳🥳💯👇
👇💥
👇👇👇💥❣️🎶💯🤟
😁💯🥳🤟👇
💯😎👇
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️👇
🤟👇💯
💯💯💯💯🎶🎶❣️💥👇
🦌 👩 👰♂ 💯👇❣️💥🎶🦋❤️
🇺🇸 🥳💯👇💥
Awesome 🖤👇💯🎶😎
👇💥❣️🎶💯🦋
One of my favorites 👇💥💯
👇💯
Love this one👇❤️☝️
👇💯🦋
👇💯❤️
Tragically beautiful 👇🎶😎❤️💯
😎🎶💯👇💥☝️
🥳💯👇woohoo
💯👇🥳
💯💯💯💯💯
😎🎶💯👇
💯👇❣️
Beautiful 💯🎶❣️👇
👇💥🎶
💯👇🥳❣️🎶😎💥
💥👇💯🎶
👇💯
😎😎😎💥👇👇👇💯💯💯🎶🎶🎶
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
💯💯💯💯
💯👇💥😎🎶❣️
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁🎶👇💯💥
💯😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👇
👇💯
💯👇💥🎶😎❣️⚘️🦋
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💯💯💯💯💥👇🎶
🥳😁👇💯
👇💯👇💯
…..💯👇😎🎶❣️
💯👇
😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👇
………….👇
🌩🦋🎶💥👇💯
Lovin it 💯💯💯😎👇💥🎶
💯👇💥❣️word!
🥳🥳🥳🤟👇😎😎😎💯💯💯💥💥😁😁
💯💯👇
Love it… 👇💯❤️💥
🎣 💯👇🎶💥
😁💯👇😎
Amen… 💯👇
Oh the memories 💯👇😎🎶
Hahaha 👇💥💯😁🥳🎶
👇👇👇
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👇
……….💯👇👇💥
😁😁😁🥳🎶💯👇
……….👇💯
Beautiful 💯❤️⚘️👇
……👇💯
🕊 👇💯❣️💥🦋
⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️🌩
💯🥳💯🥳🎶👇
…❣️👇💯
🥳💯🤟🎶👇
…!…!…!…👇
……😎💯👇
Oh Lord 👇
💣🖤💯🎶⚘️💥👇🤟🪜🏳
👇💥⚘️💯💣🔥🏳🤟 The End… maybe
My album influences from that year included… every single album from Hank Williams Jr 😁😎… Cinderella’s Long Cold Winter… and Bob Dylan’s Another Side Of Bob Dylan.. also HSAS… Through The Fire.. aka Hagar.. Schon.. Aaronson.. Shrieve.. some of you may remember these guys.. they were incredible.. their cover of “Whiter Shade Of Pale” is still my favorite today.. and their song “Missing You” also I listened to a lot of radio that year… and Amazing Grace.. O’ How sweet the sound.. I’m sure that I’m forgetting some… I will remember later and probably edit haha… majority of my christian music influences came a little later in life…
For most of my life.. I’ve been strong and healthy.. Then about a year and a half ago.. my health crashed hard.. This past year has been rough… sickness.. weakness.. doctors searching for answers — but lately I’ve been getting stronger day by day..
Six months ago.. things hit the worst point..
I was deathly sick and went to the ER.. They ran tests.. Two doctors walked in with that look on their faces — the look that says everything before a word is spoken..
“We think it’s cancer.”
They told me there were spots on my pancreas and liver.. and when something shows up on multiple organs.. red flags go up immediately.. doctors assume the worst.. To them.. it looked like cancer that had already spread..
But me? I was calm..
Not because I’m fearless — but because I had a promise from above that I’d live a long life.. I knew it wasn’t my time.. And I also knew they can’t call anything “cancer” until a biopsy confirms it.. honestly.. even if it were cancer.. I’d still react calmly.. because I’m ready to go home whenever…
I was admitted to the hospital.. and while I waited for results.. everyone — doctors.. nurses.. all treated me like it was cancer.. even my patient chart said it’s cancer.. cancer.. cancer.. cancer… everywhere cancer… One nurse introduced me to another by saying….
“This is Bryan… he has pancreatic cancer.”
I looked up and said.. “No ma’am.. I don’t have cancer.. And the tests results aren’t even back yet…”
Everybody around me braced for the worst.. I held on to faith… I wasn’t signing my name on something that didn’t belong to me…
Not today. Not ever.
“Don’t put that evil on me.. Ricky Bobby..” I joked……….. (They tried to curse me — I wasn’t having it 😄…)
And then the results came in..
Everything was benign… No cancer… Doctors scratching their heads because they were almost certain… Me smiling.. because I already knew..
God kept His word to me. And I’m still here — living.. growing.. healing.. getting stronger every day..
If you’re facing something scary.. remember this.. Doctors have knowledge.. God has the final say……
And He’s not done with me yet.
Also.. if your reading this….. He’s not done with you either…..
“The Devils Mistake” by Eira Wulfnothsson and “Celebrate Every Life… Even Mine” by Nan Panman
Not long ago.. I was watching a documentary.. and there was a woman on there who said some things that hit me deep.. I don’t know why.. but her words stuck in my mind.. So I googled her.. Ended up on her website.. Read about her life.. And then I realized why she stood out to me..
She’s an ex-Luciferian occultist who became a Christian…..
That alone fascinated me — but when I found her testimony on YouTube… man.. The depth she was in.. the darkness she lived in.. the way God rescued her… it shook me.. Because I could relate more than I wish I could.. I’ve had my own brushes with that same evil.. I once tried to sell my soul.. I know the pull of that darkness.. I know the cost..
So I reached out… We ended up emailing.. One thing led to another.. and she invited me into her YouTube community and her podcast.. Pitbulls of the Lord…
She’s smart.. sharp.. grounded.. And because of her past.. she understands the kind of spiritual warfare I’ve been dealing with in a way most people can’t.. She’s been there.. She survived what I almost didn’t…
She’s Roman Catholic, and I’m not — but honestly? I don’t care.. Truth is truth….
Her book is called “The Devil’s Mistake…” And let me tell you… I couldn’t put it down.. I read the whole thing in a day and a half.. It was powerful.. profound.. it’s on my list of best reads…
Her name is Eira Wulfnothsson.. If any of this sparks something in you — look her up.. You might be surprised by what you find…
Also.. I recently read a friend’s book.. it’s also a Christian testimony story of God’s power and love throughout the life of this woman.. her story is similar to mine and Eira’s…. it’s also tremendously powerful… so check her book out… her name is Nan Panman.. and the book is called “Celebrate Every Life… Even Mine”
I recommend them both…
Both of these books are available on Amazon.. and maybe other places also.. I downloaded both from Kindle…
Fragments of Loia 