Tag: growth

*** DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF ***

The 90’s for me…
were just… were just… hmm…
still lookin’ for the word(s)…

For now…
fire and ice.

The middle of the decade—
Burned hottest…
Froze bone…

I was dealin’ with heartbreak…
tryin’ to fix it with drugs… alcohol…
music.

I was strugglin’

So this memory came back to me today…
I just sat there like—
geeees man… what was I thinkin’?

Apparently… I wasn’t.

Back then… I had a few handguns…
used to go to the firin’ range pretty often…
had a couple of 9mm’s…

and this one…

a small .22 revolver—
pearl handle…
looked almost harmless in the hand.

But I noticed somethin’ about it…

You could load just one round…
and if you looked closely—
you could barely see it sittin’ there in the chamber.

So… as you pulled the trigger…
if you paid attention…
you could track it… tell when it was one pull away.

And yeah…

I’d mess with my buddies sometimes…

I would play Russian Roulette with it.

Even though I knew I was “safe”…
keepin’ an eye on the bullet…

it was still—
an unreal feelin’.

hard to explain it.

I never let anyone else handle the gun loaded…
and I absolutely would not let anyone else participate…
and I never shared my secret.

I can’t believe I did it.

My friends thought I was somethin’ else…
and yeah…
I built quite a reputation off that.

But lookin’ back now…

ugg…

what a thing to do.

…

So grateful God never let go…

…

*** DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF ***

Job 33:18
“He keeps them from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword.”

© 2026 Bryan Loia Hudson. All rights reserved.

`’.,°~