The Ink And The Needle…

In memory of Joey…

So I once wrote a piece called “fourteen”
Some of you read it
About the death of my friend
When I was young
And how it changed everything for me early on

I’ve been thinking of him today
And.. I was reminded of this story

It was 1988
Me
Joey
And Chris

We had our entire lives in front of us
But who really cared about that crap right now
We were too busy being country boys

Hunting
Fishing
Shooting guns
Listening to music
Playing football and baseball
Laughing and pranking each other
Sneaking in and out of the neighborhood girls’ bedroom windows late at night
While the oblivious moms and dads slept quiet.. and cold… back to back…

Raiding the liquor cabinet of my friend April’s dad
Filling the bottles back up with tea or water
Or whatever the hell we could find

Life was sweet
Alive…………………………………………………..`.°~
Intoxicating

Feels so long ago
And now it’s just these words

One day.. the three of us decided to buy some Indian ink from the local drug store
And give each other tattoos

We were great at many things
However
Drawing with a dipped sewing needle was not one of them.. haha

We secured the ink and the needle
Yes…
One needle…
For all three of us…

We didn’t care about disease back then
We were blood brothers anyway

So we ventured way back into the woods along a creek we frequented
There was a huge fallen oak tree across the water
Forming a natural bridge

This was our favorite hangout spot
We also fished the creek often
Mostly after school and on the weekends

Those woods…
We knew them well
The three of us spent a lot of our lives there

So we sat together on that tree bridge

Joey was first up for the ink
He was the brave one
The cool one
The leader

After all
It was his idea

He picked me to be the one to permanently eff his skin up for life…

I was nervous
I didn’t really want to do it

Stop being a pussy Bryan
Ok…
I got this
Give me the ink and the needle and stfu
Watch and learn fellas

So I proceeded

I put the needle to his back

And gave him his initials… J. T.

He also wanted a cross
And so I did…

And I have to say
It looked pretty badass
For what I had to work with
Not bad at all

What a relief…

But when my turn came
I don’t know what the hell came over me

I became afraid
Not only of the pain
But of the forever of it

If this is going to be on me for life
Then I want it to look good
Not some black chicken-scratch bullshit.. I have to stare at forever

The fear got me
And I didn’t go through with it

So we wrapped up the ink and the needle
Placed it in a little wooden box
And hid it inside a hollowed-out dead tree

Then we went home

And I caught hell from them the whole way back…
For chickening out…

And I did feel bad
Like I broke our bro code
Like I let my crew down

That was one of the last times I ever saw Joey alive…

The next time
Was when I stood over his casket at the funeral

A few months went by…

One night I was in my room playing my guitar late…
And I caught his spirit…
I felt his presence…

I don’t really have words for it
But I was so moved by it…

That I grabbed a flashlight
Climbed quietly out my bedroom window
So I wouldn’t wake anyone

Went into the woods
Retrieved the wooden box with the ink and the needle
Made it back to my room

Sat on my bed

And gave myself a small cross tattoo on my arm…

In memory of my friend…

Late that night… the ink finally meant something…

…….↑≠◇→~✿✿~→✖→✖→✖’

Fourteen

Long Cold Winter

When I was fourteen.. my best friend was killed in a dirt-bike accident..
I can’t begin to tell you what it did to me…
“Crushing” is the only word I have right now..
and even that feels too small..
We were closer than brothers..

After the funeral.. I fell into my bedroom.
That room became my world —
my home inside my home..
Everyone was worried about me..
I shut down..
Closed myself off to everyone..
No access allowed..

It felt like I was on a camping trip in the wilderness
alone..
And I stayed there for a whole year..

I needed something…
but I didn’t know what..

I started borrowing CDs and cassette tapes from my uncle..
I found an old tape in a box in the attic —
Bob Dylan’s — Another Side of Bob Dylan..
And I sank into it…
rock…
country…
folk…
old…
new…
Hank Williams Jr…
And the only Christian song I even knew back then..
Amazing Grace..

I didn’t just listen —
I drank it..
And the more I drank..
the thirstier I got..
So I went swimming in it..
Something I still do..

Meanwhile.. God was walking the edges of me…

One night I awoke from a dream..
and there in the corner of my bedroom
was a silhouette.. shaped like a guitar..

my mother was so worried about me
she didn’t know what else to do..
So she bought me an acoustic guitar..
And one night.. while I was sleeping…
she placed it in the corner of my room..
right where I would see it.. the moment I opened my eyes..

I played it…
and I played it…
and I played it… (until my fingers bled)
until it started playing me..

I learned it —
taught myself —
until it learned me back..

Song after song..
Day after day.. night after night…
Month after month..
From the fall of 1988
into the winter of 1989..
I played it….. until it became my heartbeat..

And finally…
after a year in the wilderness…
I emerged from my room..
ready to face my giants of the 90’s…

Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) 💥
“”The Lord is near to the brokenhearted..
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.””

Lyrics from the song “Better Way” by Sister Hazel 👇

“” Now.. here I sit.. in a cage all my own
It’s a new life.. it’s a brand new home..
and it’s made out of steel.. it’s built out of fear.. It’s closed up to you.. and it’s part of the deal…””

Lyrics from “Always Loving You” Hank Williams Jr 👇

“”And I still hear that old whippoorwill
I’ve seen the ghost of a midnight train
And I still love to go alone 🎶🎶🎶
Down by the old Union station in the rain””

( the artists and songs below are just some of my early influences..(not all tho) it’s much wider today.. I added so much to it.. like punk.. alternative.. rap… gospel and hymns… Christian rock.. etc.. you name it.. i am it… haha… so much variety…)

Of the thousands of songs that are a part of me.. this one hits deeper than them all.. 👇

👇💯🦋🎶😎⚘️

First song i ever learned on guitar 👇

When I first realized music could be poetry 👇

When I first realized music could be stories like reading a book 👇

And this one just played a lot that year.. it’s also one of my favorites to play on piano👇 used to be anyways…

And this one… needs no explanation. 👇

And this one.. you must watch til the end 👇🤟😁😎`

Oh and this one… 👇

Oh and this one… 👇

👇 👑

👇🤟 this one is special.. it’s the title of this post… Long Cold Winter..

👇🤟

🤟👇

This one is special to me 💯👇

💯💯💯💯👇

Listened to this one alot back then 👇

🔥👇🎶💯

🌧 🌦 🌂 ⛈️ 💯💥

💯💯💯💯💯

💯⚘️

⚘️💯💥🏳

🥳💯😁💥

🚉💥🍊🔥

💯💯💯💯💯

💥🥳👇💯

💥💯👇🏃‍♀️

🥳💥💯👇💣

💯🎶💥🏳⚘️🤟👇💣🔥🪜💙

🐎 👇💯

⚘️💥💯🎶

👇 ⛰️ ✨️

💯💯💯💥👇🔥

💯💯💯👇💥🔥💣 🏹 ➡️

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💥👇🤟

🎶💯🎶💯🎶💯🎶💯

⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️👇

👧 👇💯🥳🏃‍♀️

🎶👇⚘️💯❣️💥🪜

🎶💥🎶💥💯⚘️

💯❣️💯❣️💯❣️💯❣️💯

I’m against cats 🐈 in the house!👇😁

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇💯❣️💥

Wow I forgot this one👇❣️

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👇

👇💥☝️

👇………..

Oh the memories tonight 👇💥💯

Oh wow 👇❣️

🦋💯💥🎶

💯💥🖤🥳👇🌩

👇❤️🖤💥💯💢

👇☝️

……👇🎶💯

💯💥🎶👇🤟

🏳🪜💯💥🎶

Oh Lord oh Lord 👇☝️❣️💥💯🎶🪜

❤️🩷💙💥💯💢

🎶💥💯❣️👇☝️

🚆 🚉 🎶👇

On point 👉 👇☝️💯

🖤💯☝️👉👇🤟💥

🥳🥳🥳🥳💯👇

👇💥

👇👇👇💥❣️🎶💯🤟

😁💯🥳🤟👇

💯😎👇

☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️👇

🤟👇💯

💯💯💯💯🎶🎶❣️💥👇

🦌 👩 👰‍♂ 💯👇❣️💥🎶🦋❤️

🇺🇸 🥳💯👇💥

Awesome 🖤👇💯🎶😎

👇💥❣️🎶💯🦋

One of my favorites 👇💥💯

👇💯

Love this one👇❤️☝️

👇💯🦋

👇💯❤️

Tragically beautiful 👇🎶😎❤️💯

😎🎶💯👇💥☝️

🥳💯👇woohoo

💯👇🥳

💯💯💯💯💯

😎🎶💯👇

💯👇❣️

Beautiful 💯🎶❣️👇

👇💥🎶

💯👇🥳❣️🎶😎💥

💥👇💯🎶

👇💯

😎😎😎💥👇👇👇💯💯💯🎶🎶🎶

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

💯💯💯💯

💯👇💥😎🎶❣️

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁🎶👇💯💥

💯😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👇

👇💯

💯👇💥🎶😎❣️⚘️🦋

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💯💯💯💯💥👇🎶

🥳😁👇💯

👇💯👇💯

…..💯👇😎🎶❣️

💯👇

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👇

………….👇

🌩🦋🎶💥👇💯

Lovin it 💯💯💯😎👇💥🎶

💯👇💥❣️word!

🥳🥳🥳🤟👇😎😎😎💯💯💯💥💥😁😁

💯💯👇

Love it… 👇💯❤️💥

🎣 💯👇🎶💥

😁💯👇😎

Amen… 💯👇

Oh the memories 💯👇😎🎶

Hahaha 👇💥💯😁🥳🎶

👇👇👇

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯👇

……….💯👇👇💥

😁😁😁🥳🎶💯👇

……….👇💯

Beautiful 💯❤️⚘️👇

……👇💯

🕊 👇💯❣️💥🦋

⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️⚘️🌩

💯🥳💯🥳🎶👇

…❣️👇💯

🥳💯🤟🎶👇

…!…!…!…👇

……😎💯👇

Oh Lord 👇

💣🖤💯🎶⚘️💥👇🤟🪜🏳

👇💥⚘️💯💣🔥🏳🤟 The End… maybe

My album influences from that year included… every single album from Hank Williams Jr 😁😎… Cinderella’s Long Cold Winter… and Bob Dylan’s Another Side Of Bob Dylan.. also HSAS… Through The Fire.. aka Hagar.. Schon.. Aaronson.. Shrieve.. some of you may remember these guys.. they were incredible.. their cover of “Whiter Shade Of Pale” is still my favorite today.. and their song “Missing You” also I listened to a lot of radio that year… and Amazing Grace.. O’ How sweet the sound.. I’m sure that I’m forgetting some… I will remember later and probably edit haha… majority of my christian music influences came a little later in life…

My Friend Joey’
Me`

…….→→/‾\→|__|~≈≈’
…….~↓•↓~→🌫→†→🌅~→👁️↑→⛓⇂→†↑→🕊~→†→✝→†→∞<3~’