In this season of my life… I was far away from the God I walked with as a boy and teenager… but He wasn’t far from me… He was still right where I had left Him…
I was asleep one night… I had a dream… in the middle of addiction… in the middle of my sin… this was it…
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I found myself on a path… alone…
I looked around… in awe… the road was marble… gold… silver… lined with precious jewels… vibrant… alive with color…
I thought… where am I where is everyone
All at once… I felt breath upon my neck…
slowly… I turned around… before me… was the most brilliant… awesome… magnificent thing… I have ever laid eyes on…
It was a Lion…
close as could be…
I was face to face with Him…
His eyes were so green… so piercing… He saw right through me…
Suddenly… I became afraid… what was He about to do what was about to happen
Beneath the fear… reverence…
I knew… He was King of all…
Then… He began to move…
He lowered His head… nudged me… to start walking…
As I moved along the path… He followed behind me…
Up ahead…
a small white horse…
The Lion went out… met the horse… devoured it… swallowed it whole…
Then He returned behind me once again… pushing me… down the path…
At the end… a wide marble staircase…
He came around from behind me… moved up the stairs… sat on the throne…
At His side… two other Lions…
I fell on my face…
I worshipped Him…
I knew…
He was God…
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I immediately woke up…
I jumped out of bed… started writing down the dream… because I didn’t want to forget it…
But it didn’t matter…
I never have forgotten…
It is as clear to me today… as when it first happened…
I’m able still… to close my eyes… relive it… just as vivid… anytime I want…
For years… I felt the dream was God telling me… that He was with me… calling me… to straighten up… follow Him…
Then… June of 2o08…
After the second attempt on my life… God rescued me… miraculously… just in time… brought me safely out of it… to Florida… to a men’s discipleship and drug rehab ministry…
I had been there for several months… it was now fall…
One afternoon… outside… raking leaves… singing… praising… alone…
Suddenly… I was reminded of my dream…
I looked out across the property…
In the front of the building… a small pond… and in the center… a fountain… of a Lion…
Then I noticed something else…
The driveway… L shaped… like the path in my dream…
At the end of the driveway… where the throne would be… two Lion statues… one on each side…
I was blown away…
Everything made sense now…
I was without words…
And I still am today… when I think about it all…
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I later became the resident director of that ministry… spent four years there…
I watched God work strong and mighty… in the lives of hundreds of broken men… that came through our doors… transforming them… they were never the same…
And in my life… there is absolutely… no doubt… what has happened… taken place…
who is responsible… who gets the credit… the glory… the honor… the praise… 🙌
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and…`.°~ ¡-~-¡`° the small white horse… my enemies… my past…
Deliver me… O LORD… from mine enemies… I flee unto thee for refuge… to hide me… Teach me to do thy will… for thou art my God… thy spirit is good… lead me into the land of uprightness… onto level ground… because of mine enemies… Quicken me… O LORD… for Jesus Christ name’s sake… for thy righteousness’ sake… bring my soul out of trouble… And of thy loving kindness… and mercy… cut off mine enemies… and destroy all them that afflict my soul.. for I am thy servant… thy friend… thy child…
So I once wrote a piece called “fourteen” Some of you read it About the death of my friend When I was young And how it changed everything for me early on
I’ve been thinking of him today And.. I was reminded of this story
It was 1988 Me Joey And Chris
We had our entire lives in front of us But who really cared about that crap right now We were too busy being country boys
Hunting Fishing Shooting guns Listening to music Playing football and baseball Laughing and pranking each other Sneaking in and out of the neighborhood girls’ bedroom windows late at night While the oblivious moms and dads slept quiet.. and cold… back to back…
Raiding the liquor cabinet of my friend April’s dad Filling the bottles back up with tea or water Or whatever the hell we could find
Life was sweet Alive…………………………………………………..`.°~ Intoxicating
Feels so long ago And now it’s just these words
One day.. the three of us decided to buy some Indian ink from the local drug store And give each other tattoos
We were great at many things However Drawing with a dipped sewing needle was not one of them.. haha
We secured the ink and the needle Yes… One needle… For all three of us…
We didn’t care about disease back then We were blood brothers anyway
So we ventured way back into the woods along a creek we frequented There was a huge fallen oak tree across the water Forming a natural bridge
This was our favorite hangout spot We also fished the creek often Mostly after school and on the weekends
Those woods… We knew them well The three of us spent a lot of our lives there
So we sat together on that tree bridge
Joey was first up for the ink He was the brave one The cool one The leader
After all It was his idea
He picked me to be the one to permanently eff his skin up for life…
I was nervous I didn’t really want to do it
Stop being a pussy Bryan Ok… I got this Give me the ink and the needle and stfu Watch and learn fellas
So I proceeded
I put the needle to his back
And gave him his initials… J. T.
He also wanted a cross And so I did…
And I have to say It looked pretty badass For what I had to work with Not bad at all
What a relief…
But when my turn came I don’t know what the hell came over me
I became afraid Not only of the pain But of the forever of it
If this is going to be on me for life Then I want it to look good Not some black chicken-scratch bullshit.. I have to stare at forever
The fear got me And I didn’t go through with it
So we wrapped up the ink and the needle Placed it in a little wooden box And hid it inside a hollowed-out dead tree
Then we went home
And I caught hell from them the whole way back… For chickening out…
And I did feel bad Like I broke our bro code Like I let my crew down
That was one of the last times I ever saw Joey alive…
The next time Was when I stood over his casket at the funeral
A few months went by…
One night I was in my room playing my guitar late… And I caught his spirit… I felt his presence…
I don’t really have words for it But I was so moved by it…
That I grabbed a flashlight Climbed quietly out my bedroom window So I wouldn’t wake anyone
Went into the woods Retrieved the wooden box with the ink and the needle Made it back to my room
Thought I would do one more from Sister Hazel… and then next week I’ll be moving on to someone else… This last song is called “Better Way”… and it’s maybe my favorite from them — it just really speaks to me… lyrically and musically… It’s definitely a hidden gem… not as known as some of their other songs… It debuted in August of 2o09 on the album “Release”… I’ve also included a few more videos of them below… I hope you enjoy…
”’ the bright skies.. they only fool the men who are blind So.. look through the smile and see what’s behind..”‘ 🎶
”’ Now.. here I sit.. in a cage all my own It’s a new life.. it’s a brand new home And it’s made out of steel.. it’s built out of fear It’s closed up to you and it’s part of the deal…”’ 🎶
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
When I saw this prompt question… it brought back many memories of my past… my drug days…
I went without much in those years… including sleep…
I was reminded of the time I stayed awake for 18 days… so I started thinking on it… and googling… and reading…
Apparently.. the Guinness World Record for staying awake is 11 days and 25 minutes… so yeah… I shattered that record… but I’m guessing that guy didn’t have any help from stimulants lol…
Through more reading… I learned that being awake 18 days is hanging right on the edge of death…
Guess I’m really blessed and fortunate… because there were numerous times I would be awake around 10 days or more even.. I actually beat the world record many times… nothing to be proud of…
I am so grateful and thankful to God… that I made it through those times… and I am not the same today…
Death waited at the door… but it did not win… I walked back out of those days… changed… and still breathing…
Heart of Loia `'.,°~ 