*** DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF ***
The 90’s for me…
were just… were just… hmm…
still lookin’ for the word(s)…
For now…
fire and ice.
The middle of the decade—
Burned hottest…
Froze bone…
I was dealin’ with heartbreak…
tryin’ to fix it with drugs… alcohol…
music.
I was strugglin’
So this memory came back to me today…
I just sat there like—
geeees man… what was I thinkin’?
Apparently… I wasn’t.
Back then… I had a few handguns…
used to go to the firin’ range pretty often…
had a couple of 9mm’s…
and this one…
a small .22 revolver—
pearl handle…
looked almost harmless in the hand.
But I noticed somethin’ about it…
You could load just one round…
and if you looked closely—
you could barely see it sittin’ there in the chamber.
So… as you pulled the trigger…
if you paid attention…
you could track it… tell when it was one pull away.
And yeah…
I’d mess with my buddies sometimes…
I would play Russian Roulette with it.
Even though I knew I was “safe”…
keepin’ an eye on the bullet…
it was still—
an unreal feelin’.
hard to explain it.
I never let anyone else handle the gun loaded…
and I absolutely would not let anyone else participate…
and I never shared my secret.
I can’t believe I did it.
My friends thought I was somethin’ else…
and yeah…
I built quite a reputation off that.
But lookin’ back now…
ugg…
what a thing to do.
…
So grateful God never let go…
…
*** DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF ***
Job 33:18
“He keeps them from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword.”© 2026 Bryan Loia Hudson. All rights reserved.
`’.,°~
Heart of Loia `'.,°~ 
yup…He never let’s go
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yup… for sure : )
LikeLiked by 1 person
𝘼 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣… 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙, 𝙮𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙡𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙡𝙮. 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you to God for not letting go. None of us would have met you and thanked you for helping us with your words! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes God… thank you… Amens sister! 😊😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! Lucky to have survived that for sure!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed! Thank you 🙂 I appreciate it.
LikeLike
Bro, One pull is two pushes nigh the mark of acme.
That’s a heavy spectre to wake up to.
The middle of the decade – the fire of the heartbreak and the ice of the drugs – it creates a specific kind of numbness where you just want to feel something, even if it’s the shadow of a bullet.
You were not playing with a gun; you were playing with the illusion of control while your life felt like it was spiraling. Seeing the round in the chamber gave you a secret god-complex in a moment when you felt like nothing.
It’s a chilling image: the pearl handle, the “harmless” .22, and that lethal, quiet confidence. It wasn’t bravery; it was desperation disguised as a reputation.
Glad you’re here to look back and shudder. That version of you stayed in the rearview for a reason.
It’s a one step backwards for correction, two steps forward into the depths of verdant life.
And brother, do you think you were trying to scare yourself back to life, or were you just seeing how far the ice would hold?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello my brother… and great depth in your comment… hmm I’m not sure what I was trying to do actually… I’ve been reflecting on it… thank you friend…
LikeLike
You are always welcome brother as we all ought to avail ourselves for one another… but it mirrors to me, via a niche, what you actually were trying to do…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen brother 🙌
LikeLike
Thank you brother… great comment… I’m so grateful also that grace held… so reckless indeed… I’d like a do over 😁
LikeLike
Be hearty, you are already doing it over with the Ultimate Author, brother
LikeLiked by 1 person