I’ve had some kind words over the years… but one stands above the rest…
It came through a window…
Back in the late 90s… I was living in a little downstairs apartment outside Atlanta… just me… a guitar… and a lot going on in life…
Most nights I’d sit by that open window and play… sing… pour it all out…
What I didn’t know…
Was that someone was listening…
There was a girl in the neighborhood… and for about a month… she would come by at night… lean up against the outside of my building… just out of sight…
And listen…
She told me later… she’d wait, hoping I’d be there… that my songs helped her get through things she was dealing with…
That she would just stand there… breathing it in… and for a little while…
She could forget her life…
One night… she finally said hello…
And I’ll never forget all the things she said to me…
That my music gave her peace… even if just for a moment…
I’ve never had a better compliment than that…
Not applause… not praise…
Just knowing that something coming out of my heart… reached someone else’s…
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
My middle name is Loia, and for most of my life, it was a mystery.
It’s funny this WordPress prompt comes up today… because I’ve spent decades carrying that name without really knowing why.
I always knew it was rare. I knew it sounded different. But beyond that, it was just this odd, beautiful word that sat between my first and last name like a secret I didn’t yet understand.
What I did know was that it was also my step great-grandfather’s middle name.
He wasn’t related to me by blood at all. He was my great-grandmother’s second husband, and they never had any children together.
On paper, he and I weren’t really connected at all. But life doesn’t always follow paper.
He was always around as I was growing up. He loved me and helped raise me like I was his own. He was an extraordinary man, steady and present, and he stayed in my life until he passed away in the mid-90s.
That middle name tied us together, even if I didn’t know where it came from. I just knew I shared something with him, and that felt important—even if I couldn’t put it into words.
When I started my blog back in November, I chose Loia as my pen name. I wasn’t even sure why I did it at the time.
It just felt right… like the name was waiting for that moment.
Maybe it reminded me of him. Or maybe the name had just been sitting there all along.
Either way… I typed it into the author field. And it just felt right.
Recently, I started digging into it… really digging.
I wanted to know what I’d been carrying all these years.
I found out that Loia was my step great-grandfather’s mother’s maiden name.
She was an Italian immigrant, and she gave that name to her son as his middle name… so he would carry it with him—to keep her lineage from being forgotten.
That’s when it really hit me.
She didn’t want her name, her people, her story to disappear into the dust of time.
So she planted it in her child’s name like a seed.
And now, somehow, I carry it too.
I’m not Italian at all, at least not by blood. Yet here I am, bearing the same name she fought to preserve.
Somehow.. I became part of what she started… long before I was even born.
And somehow I’m the one who ended up running with it.
I traced Loia back to its Latin origin and into the early Roman Empire.
I followed it as far back as the 12th century, to the Loia family in the southern Italian peninsula, in places like Campania. There may even be some Sicilian roots branching off that same line.
I read stories about relatives from those eras, names.. dates.. fragments of lives, and it was fascinating.
It felt like finding my name written in a story that started centuries before me… even though none of them are my blood.
Apparently it’s a rare surname.
Old as dirt…
the kind of name that has seen things.
I could have kept tracing it back even further, but at some point.. I decided to stop.
I knew enough.
I had already learned more than I ever expected to… and the mystery started feeling like it belonged to me.
Growing up, I pronounced it “Loy” like “Joy,” because that’s how I was told by my mother to say it.
Only recently did I learn that the Italian way is more like “LOH-yah.”
It’s interesting hearing the same name two different ways—one from my childhood, the other from Italy.
And then there’s this other detail that feels too poetic to ignore…
My girlfriend is also an Italian/Sicilian immigrant and an American citizen.
The way we met, the timing, the circumstances around it—it all carries this almost storybook quality.
“Coincidence” doesn’t quite feel like the right word anymore.
I don’t know how to explain it fully.
It just feels like there’s a hand at work in my life right now… quietly lining things up.
This old, rare name. The man who loved me like his own. The Italian mother who didn’t want her lineage forgotten. My choice of pen name. My girlfriend’s story.
All these crooked lines seem to be converging in ways I couldn’t have planned if I tried.
So what is my middle name, and what is its meaning or significance?
My middle name is Loia.
It’s the name of a man who helped raise me, the name of an Italian woman who refused to let her family disappear, a name that has survived centuries, continents, and bloodlines to land here, in my life, on my byline.
It reminds me that family isn’t always about blood… and that sometimes the things we carry our whole lives… finally make sense.
“It’s not what you got… it’s what you give. It aint the life you choose… it’s the life you live.”
This song has the “F” word in it… only once… in one line… so you may not want to listen… if it may offend you… 👇
I was born in September of 73`… a Gen X kid… when I look back now… I realize things…
Yeah maybe I was doing stuff early on that probably could have waited until I was an adult…
but life was different back then…
the world was wider… lighter… rawer… simpler… all at once…
And us kids…
we were all little grown-ups…
From the time I was about eight until I was fourteen…
life couldn’t have been much better…
I grew up in a fairly large community of side by side houses… side by side families… where everybody knew everybody… neighbors didn’t just nod — they shared life… they borrowed sugar… they brought each other meals… they sat in yards and talked about real things… hearts… stories… struggles… faith… loss… laughter…
It wasn’t perfect — but man… it was real…
My great-grandfather lived with us in those days…
he was one of a kind…
old as dirt… tougher than leather… stubborn as wet cement…
he had lived much… And he never ran out of stories…
He’d sit outside every day… in this beat up old folding chair…
And half the time.. I’d pull another chair beside him… and just listen…
He was a war veteran — A Purple Heart… other medals he earned through blood and grit…
Infantry… France… WW2…
he’d tell me stories of laughing under fire… marching… waiting… freezing… fighting… barely surviving…
And I’d pepper him with a thousand questions… because I couldn’t get enough…
Later.. I found out from my grandmother… that he had taken many lives in battle… those stories… he never told… those belonged to him… and God alone…
What I did see… was a man who had walked through hell…
And somehow came back kinder… tougher…
And still able to laugh a little… And love a lot…
And without making speeches… without preaching a word…
he was shaping the boy sitting beside him…
In those days… my parents worked…
so most times I had to fend for myself…
I had a house key… freedom… responsibility…
but there were rules…
Do the right thing when nobody is watching…
Be about character… Be about integrity…
Be about it…
Be a decent human being…
And oh yeah… be home by dark…
On the edge of our community… the world exploded into a massive forest deep woods stretching for miles… thousands of acres… trees… creeks… hidden lakes… trails… wildlife…
a giant playground for kids who hadn’t yet learned to be afraid of living…
I spent countless days exploring those woods…
fishing… riding dirt bikes… shooting guns…
no supervision… no phones… just trust…
Sometimes on Saturdays I’d wake up before the sun… pack myself a sack lunch and some drinks… grab my fishing poles and tackle box… strap it all to the back of my dirt bike… And disappear into the woods…
All… day… long…
Sometimes friends came along… sometimes it was just me and the world — And honestly… those were some of the best days…
Many mornings my great-grandfather would stop me before I left… hand me his old .22 pistol in a worn leather holster… And tell me to take it “for protection”… because us kids needed guns back then haha… we learned early… how to treat and respect a firearm… it was a great privilege… responsibility… And it was ours…
I’d strap it to my waist like a cowboy… fire up that dirt bike… And ride off into the blue…
Freedom… Adventure… Responsibility… Trust…
A childhood that felt like life training…
And I am grateful… deeply grateful…
Those years shaped me… they toughened me… they softened me… they taught me courage… solitude… resourcefulness… respect… curiosity… wonder… independence…
I didn’t know it then…
but those were Holy days…
And I am thankful I grew up when I did…
in a world… full… of little grown-ups…
`’x.~¡-^;‐
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Also… my great-grandfather’s middle name and mine… are the same… Loia… pronounced Loy like Joy…
I forgot to mention my dog… Buck… he was there too… he didn’t live inside a fence… he never knew a leash… he was free to roam… just like me… he followed me everywhere… he loved to swim… while I fished…