Things No One Hath Ever Seeneth

Do you believe in minimalism?

Absolutely not!

I thinketh a man should haveth many wives!

Many guitars. Many books. Many fishing lures.

Minimalism and I haveth agreed to seeth other people.

If you believeth me on this… come hither… I want to showeth you something no one hath ever seeneth…

© 2026 Bryan Loia Hudson. No minimalists were harmed in the making of this post.

`’.,°~

6 Replies to “Things No One Hath Ever Seeneth”

  1. 😂 Brilliant! This gave me a good laugh.

    The mock-Shakespearean style is wonderfully playful, and the line “Minimalism and I haveth agreed to seeth other people” is pure comedy gold. The progression from many guitars, books, and fishing lures to the dramatic invitation of “come hither” builds anticipation perfectly, only to end with the hilarious reveal of a YouTube video.

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  2. Brilliant, Bryan! I suspect minimalism took one look at the collection of guitars, books, and fishing lures and quietly packed its bags.

    The Shakespearean “haveth” and “seeth” made it even better. Now I’m genuinely curious about the mysterious thing “no one hath ever seeneth” though I have a feeling it may be a closet that surrendered long ago!

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  3. Loia, you got me with this one. 😂 The faux-Shakespearean voice is hilarious from start to finish, and the escalating absurdity makes it even better. By the end, I was fully expecting the grand revelation to be something gloriously ridiculous. Fun write, my friend. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦‍⬛

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    1. Wow. Ioia…lol…or Bryan, seeing others refer to you that! 🤣 My bad, friend…but great poem all the same.

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